Seems like it was one thing after another, and I had a lot of worry and not a lot of hope. I kept trying to pick myself up, but I couldn't. I had felt so much hope in previous months, so much momentum, that when the hard times hit, I felt like a wounded lion, completely felled. So, how do you get back up when you feel like for sure this time you are down for the count?
The truth - you don't do it, at least not by yourself. You need someone to help you and some faith. That is the one true lesson of my life. For years I thought I could do everything alone. I learned how to protect myself and take care of myself while never asking for help. No matter what happened to me, I didn't reach out. Never. I would help anyone who asked for my help (and most times they didn't have to ask, I offered), but I couldn't ask for a single thing from anyone.
Slowly, but surely I have learned that we need community, we need friends, we need people around us and we need to be able to accept help. And, we also need to be able to let go of our pride and our fear to let that hope and faith in - whatever form it takes.
For me, I have found a friend who taught me how to laugh again. Somehow with my friend everything is funny. She didn't have an easy winter either, but together, we found ways to smile. Even when I didn't want it, she reached out to me and refused to take no for an answer. She reminded me of the beauty of faith and hope. Sadly, she is moving soon, but I even think this is a person I could actually talk to on the phone (I'm somewhat notorious for not liking the phone). Regardless, I know she will be out there and that when I need it, she will make me laugh.
I'm so thankful that I'm finally learning my lesson, and I'm thankful for my friends and family. I think maybe soon, with a little bit of help from my friends and family, I'm going to be able to get up and start trying to pursue that dream of freeing sisyphus and finding my purpose.
As always, comments or emails are welcome: firstname.lastname@example.org.